The last few days, I’ve had the strangest dreams, but last nights topped them off.  I woke up in tears a little before my alarm went off at 4AM.  I dreamed Ethan died.  In the dream, I was so cold and distant while going through the motions of getting his funeral together and picking out a nice cemetary plot and such.  I don’t think I cried in the dream at all.  I woke up though and couldn’t stop crying.

What sucks most about this dream is I really wanted someone to tell.  Someone that could say, “It was only a dream.” but there wasn’t anyone.

I’d like to state one more time before I start those eharmony & match.com URLS or emails saying, “You shouldn’t count out net men!”, I’m not in the market for a date.  Dating is a numbers game and I’m simply not up for that.  This post is simply an admission that despite my being told, “I’m not strong like you!” from tons of women who would rather be with Mr. Wrong than be alone, there are times that I can understand why they do that.

Daily Overview for October 30, 2006:  The stars send a surplus of mental energy your way. Your mind is sharper than a box of tacks. Puzzles, games, tricky logistical conundrums — whatever you’re confronted with, you can solve in two snaps.

You heard it here first, friends!  Got any problems?  Send them to me!  For just $19.95 plus shipping and handling, I’ll solve them all!

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We went grocery shopping yesterday.  Vanessa was walking a little behind me as we were walking past one of the check out counters.  We turned to go down the next isle and this teenage boy walks up beside her.  He says hello and continues walking in step with her.  I turned around and said, “Hello…” waiting for Vanessa to introduce him to me.  Instead, she walked up beside me leaving this guy walking behind us by himself.  He finally left. 

I asked Vanessa, “Who is that kid and why didn’t you introduce me? That was really rude.”  

She said, “MOM!  I don’t know who he is.  He was following me around at the football game last night.  He said he was Jared’s brother, but I don’t know a Jared.  He took my phone out of my hand and started to put his phone number in it!  I yanked it back.  He’s wierd!”

Of all the things I hope to pass on to my kiddos, I was hoping the whole flypaper for freaks thing wouldn’t be one of them…lol

It continually amazes me that people ask me for relationship and dating advice. I’m divorced. I’ve dated only 2 (possibly 3) people in my entire life. I cannot get a date if my life depended on it. The last three people I’ve been interested in just jumped ship without much, if any, explanation. What in the world do I know about relationships and dating?

A girly I work with has a child by a fellow that is in prison. She validates this by saying that he wasn’t in prison when she met him. He was put in there later for things he did prior to meeting her. That for me is the first hang up. You have a child with a fellow, but you either don’t know or don’t care that he was into illegal things that might effect his future? Did you really think this guy was father material? Okay, things happen. I understand that. I’m not sure I would ever take my child to prison visitations, but I can understand you want their father in their life. Problem number two, “We always argue when we’re together.” After each visitation, she is visibly upset. He always picks those times to bring up whatever issues (real or imagined) he’s thought up while they were apart. Now granted, I’m bad at relationships, but if he’s not happy to see you every once in a while, do you really think he’s going to be happy to see you on a daily basis?

He’s a good place to start since he’s been an issue for a while. There’s much more to this problem than what I’m going to tell you, but this is the gist of it…and Chet is not his real name of course, but it’s close enough to cheat that I figure it fits him.

Sometimes the moon, stars, and planets all align allowing you to see beautiful things; however, sometimes it just causes an eclipse. That’s pretty much what’s happened to me in the last few months. I had a few odd things happen at just the right points in time that it caused me to evaluate how I interact with people online. I got scared that maybe I was being too open, too flirty, too…something…that caused people to take my opinions and playing around as something more.

Every day there’s 50 new spam comments I have to delete.  It’s insane.  I waste my time in the morning deleting it and when I get home from work, I’m too drained to try to post.  Maybe I should start getting up early just to post, but I really like my sleep. =/  Need incentive to get up early or stay up late and there just hasn’t been any.  *looks around*

Gabby called the other night to make sure it’d be okay for him to come visit.  The only hang up I have is letting people stay with me.  My kids are always here for one thing.  I’m just not comfortable inviting people into my home with my children and for two, the last time I let friends stay with me, I got 3 phone calls the next day asking who was at my house.  (Do any of you remember the last two net people that stayed with me?  One didn’t brush their teeth all weekend and the other stained my shower.)

I had a job interview the other day.  Waiting for a call back.  Got asked if I wanted to move from Layaway to the pharmacy.  It’s temp, but then again, so is layaway.  I figure might as well move around and learn a bit of everything - especially if it’s less responsibility for the same money.

Okay.  That’s all my spam for the day.  Caught up to current events now and I’ll try to post more often.  We’ll see.  Depends on how tired I am at the end of the day mostly.

I didn’t actually go to church. I just dreamed that I did. My grandmother and aunt have mentioned church to me many times. I’m sure that’s what spurred this dream, my guilty conscience.

In the dream, I was sitting, listening to the preacher preach and suddenly the thought hit me how incredibly sexist he was. I then started looking around at all the women dressed in modest dresses and I noticed that while they looked as if they were intently listening to the sermon, their husbands, fathers, and teenaged sons were dressed in jeans, sprawled out in the pews, some of them napping. One of them winked at me as he caught me looking around. It was as if the lesson only applied to the women. The men were obviously above it. I was thinking to myself that I really didn’t fit in. Not only did I not have a man sitting in my pew, but I was dressed in a more modern dress, I didn’t agree with what the preacher was saying, and I got disgusted looking at the women around me who looked as if they were afraid. Afraid of thinking outside the box. Afraid of the men in their life. Afraid that they were going to Hell if they didn’t obey every word the preacher said.

I’d like to say it was only a dream, but the people in the dream were people I grew up with. It was the church I attended as a young adult. It was a reminder of why I stopped going to church.

I’ve started thinking lately that something’s missing from my life. I debated attending church again thinking maybe that was it, but then it hit me: I’ve always had projects going on and I don’t have any right now. I’ve babysat. I’ve volunteered at the school. I’ve helped organize toy and clothes drives. I helped plan a few weddings. I ran Whimsies as a business venture with my sisters. I’ve even helped to edit and rewrite a religious book that got published. I’ve always had some kind of project going on to keep my mind occupied.

My work hours have been so screwy, that it just hasn’t been possible for me to get involved with anything. Now that my work days are routine again though, I’m starting to really feel the effects of not having a project to work on.  Next week, I start keeping my niece two days a week. I’m so excited about this. I’ve said it many times before, I NEED to be around children. Their imaginations and wonderment with the world helps to keep me focused on the good things in life. If that’s not enough to pull me out of the funk I’ve been in for a while, then I’ll be looking for a new project.

I tried to take some pics to update that 5+ year old one of me floating out there.  I figured maybe it would help make people realize I’m not an elf or a milf or anything else like that; however, I seem to have an issue with smiling and taking pics at the same time.  I give up.  I tried.  Put forth lots of effort, but it didn’t work out.  I did post the pICKs on flickr along with the prom dress fitting photos, but that’s as good as it gets today.  Sorry, sports fans.  Maybe in another 5 years…

Anyone else remember that diddy from Saturday morning cartoons when they were a kid?  Anyway, I have prom dress pics, an idea for a more peppy sounding blog, and more!!!  I’m just hoping that some time during my two days off, I’ll get around to posting.  Until then, enjoy this piece of nonsense.  =)