We had a surprise birthday party for Ethan Saturday. He turned 12 earlier in the week. When he got home and saw my sisters’ cars at the house, he said, “Oh great They’re over for my birthday. We always do family parties.” He thought he’d figured it out, but he was wrong. =)

I’ve hosted plenty of birthday parties at this house and 12 seems to be the cut off age. Girls get soooo dramatic. They start with all the little cliques and people start getting their feelings hurt. Boys though, they start with the horse play. If I said it once, I think I said it a thousand times, “Take it outside! Don’t do that in the house!” One kid carried his drink by the top of the cup and he kept spilling it everywhere. I wanted to hand him a mop. Another asked, “When Ethan gets here, can we throw the cake at him?”

When they left, they were all screaming, “Bye mom!” and I wanted to scream back, “Don’t you call me mom! I’m not your mom! Your mom sent you over here because she didn’t want you at her house!!!” Instead though, I smiled, waved, hugged, or whatever while thinking, “I’m so not doing this again!!!!!!!!!!”

Ethan had a great time, though. Some of the boys gave him a Barbie doll and he walked away with $110. Not a bad haul.

A lady came to me at work and asked, “If I were Vaseline, where would I be?”

Luckily for her, I didn’t answer the question she asked.  I told her where the new bottles were kept while giggling and trying not to laugh too hard until she left.

I told one of the pharmacists and he said, “Hmm…If I were a suppository, where would I be?”.

One of my favorite things to do is to look through the local Craigslist free stuff give aways. I laugh like a madwoman at some of the things being given away.

A box of worn white tube socks? A souvenir t-shirt from Haiti? How about one of my favorites, free horse manure if you shovel it! (It’s my belief that the last one was posted by Tom Sawyer. Who else could con people into doing their work so beautifully?) There’s been toodler stuff given away ( although I’m not sure what at toodler is), every broken appliance you never wanted, and even a kitchen sink or two. There was even a free freezer with bonus rust and undeveloped bio-weaponry up for grabs. Who could resist that?

The other day though, I ran across a free bass boat. It had no motor and wouldn’t float, but it was great for lawn art they said.

Lawn art? A boat? Who puts a boat in their yard?!?! That’s the exact question I asked a co-worker after telling him of my past time. As I was giggling, he raised his hand. “I have one in my yard.”

At that point, the tears started running down my face. Sometimes I forget I live in Texas.

Gabby called last night and once again mentioned that I should write a book. He’s not the only person to tell me that. It makes me wonder just how many warped people there are out there. With all the Lindsey/Paris/Britney stuff happening, why would anyone want to read my boring everyday life stuff when they do drama so much better than I ever could…or would for that matter. I don’t think you could pay me enough to shave my head or do lines off a toilet seat….lol

One of our pharmacists motioned towards a woman with his eyes, “See that woman over by the cough drops?”

I said, “Yes…”

He said, “One day, she was standing in line and a gentleman standing behind her kept motioning to me.  I didn’t know what he was trying to say.  Finally, he tapped her on the shoulder and said, ‘Ma’am, did you realize you’re not wearing any pants?’”

Apparently she hadn’t realized that, as she ran from the store and hid in the first unlocked car she found.  When the police got there, they had to call the owner of the car, who happened to be a store employee.

The woman kept saying, “You know me!  You know me!”

The employee said, “Ma’am, I don’t know you.  Get out of my car!”

The worst part of the story, the woman’s friends dropped her off at the store and apparently never mentioned to her that she was without pants.

Moral of the story, your friends will never tell you the honest truth about how you look in (or out of) your clothing.