I thought I’d at least make this rant a little entertaining.

Four days left until graduation and Vanessa has a revelation
“I don’t have a working car and my college is so very far!”
Then came the very most shocking thing
“Since my car needs fixed, dad says you’re paying.”

“Oh really?  That’s good to hear.  How’d I get volunteered?”
“When he took you to court, you got all that back child support.
He’s completely broke.  He has no money.”
Heh, he makes triple what I do.  I find that funny.

“I did get back pay, but back bills ate that away!
You left me to live with your dad.  If he can’t pay, that’s too bad.
Do you even know what college you’re going to attend?
Maybe you can ride there with a friend.”

“Mom, it’s summer.  Having no car would be a bummer.
I can’t stay home all day.  I need a job.  Something that pays.”
“Yes I know.  It’s what I’ve been telling you for a while.
Why do I have to pay now that you’re no longer in denial?”

“Who else will do it if you can’t?.” Then I stopped my rant.
“I know I sound a bit like a grouch, but that is the money for my couch.
Do you monitor my bank account?  Was it just blind luck?
How did you know I’d saved a few hundred bucks?”

“Mom if you can’t, then it’s okay.  I understand.”
She knows I’ll find a way.  Her dad won’t pay.
It’s not fair, but we all know that I’ll do anything for her
It’s just part of the job since I’m her mother.

I love this song by the Plain White T’s.  TBF doesn’t like it, but too bad.  He has to listen to it anyway…lol

The prom was this weekend.  Vanessa went but didn’t send me any pics at all.  =(  I won’t get to see.  My niece got Prom Queen at her prom and sent me pics.  My own daughter though didn’t think to send me any. =(  I’m still not over her moving out.  Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder what went wrong and why she’s not here with me.  My sister called to ask if I’m going to the senior assembly on Friday.  Part of me wants to go see these kids I’ve watched grow up.  The other part of me just wants to break down and cry for the loss of my baby. =(  I know my sister and my niece are trying to keep me in the loop and make me a part of their stuff.  I appreciate the thought, but it’s so upsetting.  I want to be a part of my own daughter’s stuff and I feel like I got cheated out of my last year with her.

Rebecca called too.  She yelled and screamed at me because she’s not getting along with her dad.  She said something about, “It’s not fair.” and I told her what isn’t fair is that I get yelled and cursed at for stuff I haven’t even been involved in.  I told her I’d had enough and was hanging up.  Then I did hang up.

I was about to start crying in the middle of the store.  Daughter drama overload.  I have limits to what I can handle.  I could probably have handled that all right, but I found out over the weekend that my aunt has breast cancer.  No one else in our entire family has ever had it, but she does.  The same aunt who’s the mother of my cousin that died.  It just seems so unfair to make her have all this bad stuff to deal with.

…and I have to admit that for a split second, I thought that it’d be easier to deal with if my daughter had just died.  Then I wouldn’t wonder why I don’t seem to be important enough to her to think about and want to spend time with.  I wouldn’t wonder what I did wrong or why she can live without me.  I know better.  I don’t really think that would be better.  I just have a hard time dealing with a selfish 18 year old that doesn’t think of her mommy as much as her mommy thinks of her. =(

One of my little sister’s gaming buddies got sent for his second tour in Iraq.  She sent off a quickie care package with snacks and stuff, but was asking our other sister and me for other ideas.  We were looking through one of those cheapy junk catalogs for stuff to send with cute little catch phrases when she turned the page and there were rubber duckies.  I said, “You could send them one of those with a note saying, “Hurry up and get the duck out of there.”"

That was enough to start the duck craze.  They had doctor ducks - “Nip and Ducks”.  They had hats that were duck heads with the bill of the cap being the duck bill - for quack heads.  There were western ducks - the good the bad and the ducky.  There were ducks with numbers on them.  My sister said, “Everyone remembers their first duck.”  She said, “We could paint some green.  Then they would be Yoducks.”  - May the duck be with you.

We decided to send a duck with each care package and kept coming up with more duck sayings.  Finally, my sister said, “I can’t quit thinking duck thoughts now!”  I told her she obviously had “down” syndrome.

A friend of my mom’s took him.  She has big cattle dogs and wanted another because hers are getting old. I’m glad he’s got a good home rather than having to go to doggie jail.  As I said, he’s a good natured dog.  I just can’t handle a puppy big enough to eat furniture as a snack.

A while back, Dante the husky ran away.  He loves to run and after realizing the fence was little more than a hop for him, there was no keeping him in.  One day, TBF noticed Dante and Petey running around chaising another dog.  Dante would give him a head start, then catch up to him, and knock him down only to start again.  All the while, Petey ran panting like a tag-a-long little sibling just trying to keep up.  Dante and Petey wouldn’t come to TBF when he called; however, the other dog did.  Not only did he come when called but he loaded himself (muddy feet and all) into TBF’s car - spilling his water and creating a lovely mud bath for the passenger.

Being the smart fellow TBF is, he decided it wasn’t a bad idea to let the dog stay in the car.  He rolled down the window and the dog put his head out.  Then he proceeded to drive back to the house - all the while, Dante and Petey were barking at the other dog and chaising the car.  Since then, the dog won’t leave my house.

Dante went missing the next day.  He couldn’t stand being kept in the fence and would jump over it; however, Other (as I now call him)  can’t stand to be on the outside of the fence and jumps to get in.  Petey digs to get out, I can’t kick Other out.  You’d think he’d make a great dog, but he’s HUGE.  He can barely fit through the doggie door, but he makes it….and he’s still a puppy.  I know this by the numberous things he’s chewed up….like the cord to my tv set that he not only ripped up, but apparently ate as only the metal prong end is left.  He munched on the front left arm of my sofa tearing off the material from the wood and stuffing.  He then ate the material to the right side of the sofa leaving a big gaping whole where there once was material.

It has been rainy here lately.  I have these wonderful paw prints going from my doggie door around the kitchen table and back. There are two sets; a tiny Petey set and a huge Other set.  I stopped mopping until the weather gets better.  One day, he rared up onto the counter and ate the top off TBF’s brownies.  I thought that was going to be the end of him, but despite the yelling and kicking once again out of the house and yard, he came back.

Don’t think I didn’t try to discipline him.  I beat him until my hand couldn’t take it any more.  Then he looked at me and sighed.  I think he was saying, “Is that the best you can do?” So I threwin a few more hits and realized he’s stronger than my hand.  I tried to teach him to sit.  He watches Petey do it and still doesn’t get the consept.  I push on his bootie trying to show him, but he twists and turns as if I’m hurting him and gives me another confused look as if to say, “The floor is dirty.  Why do you want me to sit on it?”

This week, I’m calling the doggie cops to come get him and put him in the local shelter.  He’s a good natured dog, but he’s just too much for me to handle.  =(

Mother’s Day was quite a bit quieter than the day before.  We slept in until about 10 and played a little WoW.  Then I took Vanessa home and ran an instance with Ethan and TBF.  About 8:30PM, TBF said, “Let’s go.” and took us to Cici’s Pizza…lol  We then went to Hastings and got Ethan the 6th book in the Demonata series.  It was a nice restful mother’s day. =)  Hope everyone’s mother’s day was as peaceful as mine.

Friday I was off work but running around trying to find perfume for TBF’s mom, get my mom’s mother’s day, and find shoes for my brother’s wedding.  I failed at two of the three.  Perfumania had advertised the perfume gift set for $42, but when I got there, “We didn’t get any of these in, but how would you like to buy this bigger bottle for $70?”  Pshh.  Finally I went back home to look online for Euphoria thinking I could call around and see who had it at a price less than $65 but again, no luck.  Exhausted, I finally laid down and fell asleep…for several hours.

When I woke up, it was time to meet the ex to pick up Vanessa.  (Rebecca decided she didn’t want to go to the wedding and wouldn’t even talk to me.)  I put my keys in one pocked and my phone in the other and realized how shallow the pockets were.  My phone barely fit.  I ran to go tinkle before I left and upon standing up, heard plop…as my phone fell into the potty.  I grabbed it as fast as I could, but it was too late.  The phone was soaked.  I made Ethan give me his phone and changed out the sim cards so I wouldn’t have to go phoneless for the trip to get Vanessa.

I picked up Vanessa and she had no dress for the wedding.  Off to the mall we went.  After trying on all the dresses from three stores, we finally found one she liked and it happened to be on clearance for $12.99.  I wondered if it was disposable clothing - you know the kind.  You wear it once and then after you wash it the seams come apart or the material melts upon touching the water.   I figured it would last long enough for one wedding and after that, who cared.

When we were leaving the mall, Vanessa got a phone call from one of her friends offering her two free edgefest tickets.  The Used, Anberlin, Korn, 311, Blue October, Papa Roach, Shinedown, Taking Back Sunday, and The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus all were there and several other lesser known bands.  This friend of hers is the son of a local DJ and he usually gets them back stage as well.  I could tell she really wanted to go, but told the boy she had a wedding to go to and didn’t know when it would be over.  He said he’d hold the tickets for her and she could meet him there.  When she got off the phone, I said, “Why don’t you call your little brother and see if he wants to go with you too?  Then I’ll just drop you guys back at your dad’s so you can go.”  She was too excited.  She called and Ethan was thrilled about going.  On the way home to get Ethan, she was calling everyone she knew to see who else was going.  I called my (ex) step mom and told her we wouldn’t be coming.  I was also trying to suck it up and not show my disappointment.  I was excited about spending the day with them…even it most of it was going to be in the 2.5 hour drive there and back.

We stopped by my mom’s on the way home and picked up a spare cell phone she had.  There was no way I was driving around without one.  I’m afraid of getting stranded.  She also handed me a fork saying, “I think this is yours because it doesn’t match my pattern.” Then she laid the guilt on Vanessa, “I miss you.  Don’t stay away so long.” etc

When we got home, Ethan was not ready to go.  He had clothes in the wash and it was already 9PM.  I told them I was going to sleep and to wake me up when Ethan was ready.  A little after that, there was a knock on my door.  It was Vanessa, “Can I come in?”  She said that her friend was going to have to work as a gopher for the bands, but there were two other guys going - one of which she can’t stand.  Her girlfriend had to work and wasn’t going and it was supposed to rain.  The food out there was really expensive so she wanted to eat before they went, but Ethan threw a fit and said there was no way he was going 12 hours without eating (11AM to 11PM).  She said they’d decided they’d just go to the wedding.  I was thrilled.

We left the house at about 10 Saturday morning.  I called back the (ex) step mom and told her we were coming after all.  We had to swing by Wal-Mart and get Vanessa a strapless bra and slip.  I dropped Ethan off for a hair cut while we ran into the store.  Apparently no woman are modest any more because they no longer carry slips.  I was shocked and ended up buying her this long short type thing because she had to have something under that dress.  You could see her striped undies.  I had made Ethan wear a different shirt than he was wearing to the wedding so it wouldn’t be hairy, I was wearing a tshirt and I made Vanessa put a tshirt over her dress so she wouldn’t spill on it.  We were stopping at ihop for breakfast.  What we didn’t know is that there was a party of 200 ahead of us at ihop.  Okay, it was only 20, but it took long enough that it made us run late.  To add to that, I remembered half way through my meal that I forgot my shirt!!!  I made Vanessa put her food in a to go container when E and I were finished and we ran to Bealles to find a shirt.

I paid $30 for the least of the evils there, and was griping about it while walking out of the store.  Then I saw Vanessa brushing her hair with a fork.  As I opened the car door, she said, “Thanks for the dinglehopper, mom!  I really needed one!” I couldn’t help but laugh and I thought, “We’re not too late, everything will be fine.”  Then I picked up the map I printed from mapquest and realized it was a 2.5 hour drive and all this time I’d been thinking 1.5 hours.  I was freaked out again!!!  We were starting in Ennis at least so that was 20 minutes saved.  Somehow I had to shave off another 30 minutes.  I did that by driving 80+ the entire way there.  I felt like Mario Andretti.  Every so often, I’d have to take my hands off the wheel and open and close them.  I was stressing and gripping the steering wheel so tight.

We had entered the town the wedding was in when my (ex) step mom called, “Are you here?”  I told her where we were and she said they were about to start.  She got a guy on the phone to give me better directions.  We got there, but missed them coming down the isle.  We saw the vows and as they were coming back down the isle, my brother smiled and waved at us - which Vanessa thought was just too funny since he’d been so serious the rest of the time.  At the reception, we were waiting to catch them without 50 people around, but instead, my brother walked past everyone and came to hug me, “Well??!” he said.  I said, “We were just waiting on our turn!”  He introduced me to his wife.  She was beautiful.  He told Ethan “You’re getting tall.  How old are you now?”  E said 13 and he turned to Vanessa, “How old does that make you?”  She said, “Guess!  How old do you think I am?”  He guessed 17 and she buzzed him.  “Wrong!  I’m 18.”  Leave it to Vanessa to cut the tension and make everyone laugh.

Soon people interupted again and I let them get back to the crowd.  We went and sat down - with lots of protests from the kiddos, “If we sit down, we’ll be far away from the food when they cut the cake!”  My dad and youngest brother came in and sat down with us.  I explained to them how the morning went and that I wasn’t even wearing my shirt!  Patrick said, “If I were you, I’d have gone to Edgefest over this!”…lol  A little while later, Jon and Lindsey came and sat with us.  It was a nice thing to do.  The last time I saw Jon was when Vanessa was about 13.  He was making a big effort and I appreiciated it tons.  I grilled the wife nicely and told them about the kids giving up free concert tickets.  They were like, “Who was playing?  I wanted to go too!”  In between all of this, our dad was making awkward comments - from telling my kids that his nickname for my sister and I was the n word to asking Lindsey if she was going to put a piece of wedding cake between the matresses tonight.  /boggle  We were all just kinda looking at each other and changing the topic…lol

Jon’s little girl (she’s 4 and he didn’t marry the baby momma…lol) was the flower girl and she is beautiful.  She didn’t want to talk to me at first (stranger danger!!) but quickly warmed up and then you couldn’t shut her up.  My step mom had promised her light up flip flops if she would do her part well.  All through rehersal, they said she cried and whined.  So my mom brought the shoes with her to the wedding and every now and then clicked them so they’d light up.  She did perfect and was very proud of those shoes…lol  She showed them to me no less than three times and busted out with, “My dad gave me my first bass when I was a baby in the hospital.”  I started giggling as my brother said, “bath.  No fish were there.”

Finally, we gave up and left.  I was glad we went and so were the kids.  It obviously meant enough to my brother that he tried to let us know.  Unfortunately, we had to take part in the wedding pictures.  blah  I didn’t like the shirt I bought, but at least I’m getting copies of the pics!

On the way home, my mom called.  They were cooking out at my sister’s early.  We were still two hours away.  We rushed home and about 15 minutes away, TBF called.  He was back home from his mom’s so we stopped and picked him up and went to my sisters.  We ate, watched a movie, and saw the new puppies - and I want one really really bad.

All in all, it was a nice day, but I was so glad to curl up in bed and go to sleep.  I’m a home body at heart and while I enjoy visiting and spending time with my family, there’s no place like home.

I love love loved it!  What more is there to say?  =)

My oldest little brother is getting married Saturday.  I’m going to go, but I feel a bit odd about it.   I don’t know him very much so it’s more out of obligation to my (ex) step mom that I’m going.  She’s always been so good and I know she would love to see the kids.   I’m trying to plan around all the other stuff we’ve got going on.  Thursday night, we’re going to the midnight showing of Star Trek.  Sunday is mother’s day.  Saturday night, my sister is planning to have a cook out.  TBF’s brother may be coming to watch the movie with us and staying the night again (he spent last weekend with us).  There just seems to be more to do than time to do it in. =/

I ran into Moose from Casey and Scotty Comics today. He asked about TBF and it freaked me out a little…lol  I’m not sure why.  I know he reads my site from time to time.  I guess it’s more because I expect people to get wierded out by the age difference.  I feel like they’re thinking, “Uh-huh.  I know what you see in a little 22 year old…”

This woman at work is driving me insane.  Actually, that’s why I was shopping after work and ran into Moose.  I thought it would be best if I took some time to cool off before I went home.  This woman at work doesn’t want to work.  She’s been there forever and knows everyone in town.  She prefers to look busy rather than actually work.  To be honest, I think I might enjoy that too, but I’ve always been too worried to try it.  She has ties to the community that make her a little hard to get rid of.  I am expendable….lol  Today, she decided to take over everything I was doing - or more precisely, everything I finished doing so that I had to take over her job which always seemed to be behind.   I’ve talked to my boss about it.  Well, actually, the guys talked to my boss about it and my boss called me into a private meeting to ask me about it.  He said he talk to her, but it’s not helped.  He also said that I should be more stern and tell her what she needs to do - and keep her away from the drop off window (the job she prefers, but can’t keep up with).  I can’t seem to do it though.  She’s older than me and it seems disrespectful to talk back to her or boss her around.  He said the same thing to the other girl at work, but neither of us can do it….and neither of us think it’s fair that it is left up to us to deal with.  I keep picturing in my head the day that I’ve finally had enough and I begin yelling.  I’m not sure that day is too far away.

Ethan’s math teacher nominated him for Who’s Who Among All-American Scholars. He didn’t tell me, he just left the application on top of my laptop.  I’m a little shocked.  Ethan is a smart smart kid but he’s so not motivated…lol  He makes B’s in her class although she’s well aware he’s not even trying.  He has 0’s in there all the time because he doesn’t want to redo the same kind of math they’ve already done for homework.  He always manages to pull off an okay grade despite that and for some unknown reason, this teacher hasn’t given up on him.  She knows he’s a smart cookie and keeps trying to motivate him.  I hope she succeeds because I sure don’t know how to get him working any more.

hmm….think that’s all of my tidbits for the moment.  Don’t worry though.  There will be more later.